feeling slacky~

Haiya!Left a few days onli...i'm so slack la!Kex last time say b4...we shud start to relax a bit when it's nearer e exam period...but i guess no need la...i've been playing all e while!Went joy's bdae bbq party...was really fun!Tutors telling stories...classmates eating and chatting and laughing together...i'm sure i'll miss this bunch of pple after graduation!It was raining heavily after we cut e cake...budden v late le,really need to go home.Xiao xi accompanied me...and ZC too...walked into e pouring rain...Whao~exciting manz!Xiao xi ran into her house to get umbrella...wha seh!Her whole body was wet la!Feel so guilty...muz say sorry to both of em...hai ta men bian cheng "luo tang ji".That nite...i dreamt of "RAIN"!Haha...e korean celebrity lo!He so shuai la...drive this super cool car then wear super cool sunglasses:)I muz be mad la!Then i decided i muz watch "full house" after As!E next few days...mama rented a lot of vcds home...watched initial d for 2 times...then got 2 other hk shows.One nite...after watching 1 of e vcd...found tt i got a missed call.Guess hu?Manz!I also nvr expect tt it's him la!I mean when on earth he'll haf things to ask me de?Called him and turn out tt he got maths qsns to ask me.Was v happy la!Just now listened to "ying yue ri ji"...e dj say tt in sec sch,jc...it's better to haf one whole bunch of pple play together then fun...it's like when u grow up le,u'll definitely treasure these memories.I think this is v true...shudn't put all ur jing shen into one person...neglect ur frens...this is v ke bei.Ok la...so no matter how sian it is...i'll still treasure e A lvl period...cos it's e last few days i can spend wif my frens in sch le.Yeah~gambate for As:)

Family?

I thought i'm supposed to feel peaceful and free at home.Wat does the word "family" mean?Aren't we supposed to spare a thought for each other?Just this morning...just this short period of time is already enuff to irritate me so much.My bro and i need to stay at home and study for our exams,so my parents went out for grocery shopping on their own.Then my bro came and ask me qsns."How to do this whole chapter?"I took a look at his accessment..."u mean u dunno so many pages?"I told him to go and think 1st.Later,i saw him taking scotch tape.Went out and see wad he doing...then i found out tt he actually venned his anger on e book...poked so many holes on the page!I got so angry!Scolded him and say tt if he cont doing tt i'll tell mama later.Went back to my room and thought abt it.Maybe it's cos he dunno how to do then he liddat de.So i tried to help him wif e qsns.While i was looking thru e qsns...he went to do all sorts of stupid things.Throw e pen here and there(wif e cap open!)...issit it equivalent to throwing a dart around?Until e pt when he threw e pen at my direction...i finally can't stand it...scolded him.I was already so annoyed...then my papa came back.He was shouting outside e gate,say"Eh!open e door!".I was digging for my keys frm my bag...then he shouted again"Oei!Go and get e keys!".Wha seh!I feel i'm worse than a maid la!I noe ur're in a hurry...but i'm already getting my keys wad!Then he tell my bro to change and get ready to go out.I was doing my stuff when he shouted for me to close e door.Maybe i was a little slow...when i got out,he slammed e gate shut and gave me a stare...then slammed e door!Wha thx lo!Do i deserve such attitude?Called my grandma this morning...she was telling me"yi ping chang xing qu mian dui kao shi,dun need to worry so much".Even grandma noes this...fan er it's my parents hu dunno.Always say wad"must study hard ar...ur bro 's education depend on u le".Pls la!U think i still not enuff stress ar?Must gif me tt kinda huge family responsibility to carry at this pt of time.I'm mature enuff to noe this myself la...must u ramble abt this all e time?"We're a family mah...so must be open abt such things."Open?Did u spare a thought for me anot?Sometimes i really stress until cry la!Did u noe?pple always say home is like ur "bi nan suo".It'll shelter u frm all ur prob.But now i really find tt home is becoming my source of prob.

Fate

Gotta blog today...if not i think i'll explode.Yest nite,he said he'll not venture into relationships at such a young age...not ready to commit.He say tt it'll affect studies...ruin future.He say tt dating will waste his lifetime away and he hates it when pple zhong se qing you.He say"it's a matter of whether u really wan THAT person or ANY person just for e sake of hafing a relationship"He say if he really like tt person...he would wan tt person to be happy.He would gif her e freedom to pursue her dreams and not tie her down.I can see tt his thinking is v deep and he's definitely not those fu qian pple hu treats relationships like some game.Somehow i feel tt e person whom he likes is gonna be v xing fu.She'll feel love and security frm him.But i noe i'm nvr gonna be tt person la.My dream shatters...but i can't possibly keep lying to myself.I always moan and groan and feel so bu gan xing abt things.But is there anything i can do to change?No!Sometimes i just hafta face e reality and admit tt such things are really up to fate...qiang qiu bu lai de.Hmm...think on e bright side?Maybe now i tell myself...that i can wait for miracles to happen...then slowly let time wash these memories away ba.Went to search for "xing dong" lyrics.This song hor...is i pri 6 tt time Gg recommend me to listen de.

心动
有多久没见你
以为你在那里
原来就住在我的心底
陪伴着我的呼吸

有多远的距离
以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长
回头就看到你

过去让它过去
来不及从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹

过去让它过去
来不及从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹
总是想再见你
还试着打探你的消息
原来你就住在我的身体
守护我的回忆

can i change my personality?

I admit i'm an overly sensitive person...and i hate this personality!If onli i can just heck care wat others think abt me,i think i'll haf a happier life.Sometimes i feel really hurt...but i dun wan to mention it for now.It'll make me sound v longwinded and pathetic.I will also be very disgusted by myself.Found a canto song tt i once heard in a hk movie.Sad song tt suits my melancholy character i guess.

勇

我也不是大无畏
我也不是不怕死
但是在浪漫热吻之前
如何险要悬崖绝岭
为你亦当是平地
爱你不用合情理
但愿用直觉本能去抓住你
一想到心仪的你
从来没有的力气
突然注入渐软的双臂

旁人从不赞同
连情理也不容
仍全情投入伤都不觉痛
如穷追一个梦
谁人如何激进
亦不及我为你那么勇
沿途红灯再红
无人可挡我路
望着是万马千军都直冲
我没有温柔唯独有这点英勇
再没有支援
还是有这点英勇

我也希望被怜爱
但自愿扮作英雄去保护你
勋章你不留给我
仍然愿意撑下去
傲然笑着为你挡兵器
跌下来再上去
就像是不倒翁
明明已是扑空
再尽全力补中
渴望爱的人
全部爱得很英勇

可惜不是你

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天可是昨天
已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见
可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天可是昨天
已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见
可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

Without

Morning gp lesson turned out to be a fun and relaxing one...cos miss k nvr make me present mah haha!Then we were actively discussing abt prom...abt wat to wear...wat food would be served...cocktails blah blah.I was thinking "the one i wan to see also not going...e whole idea becomes kinda redundant".But later i thought otherwise...maybe he not there also gd la...i wun be worrying so much abt how i look...can be so much more natural and free.Yah...maybe if i look at it in this way i'll feel better la.During recess,xiao xi and i actually had to study for chem test de...budden we got a task frm CY..gotta help him design his jigsaw.Haiz...come on lo...it's not as if my art is gd la and i doubt xiao xi's skills too(haha!)...so y trust us to do such things?Niwaez...we tried our very best and squeezed out all our brain juice to come out wif 2 masterpieces...which turned out to be...erm...wat shud i say?Cute?1 is "Sunshine" and e other "Under e Sea"!Haha!I dare not even pass em back to CY la...told xiao xi to do it.But u noe....things in life are just so unpredictable!e other guys saw CY's jigsaw and decided to entrust their jigsaws to us too!Oh manz!Wat is this?!?!Are they nuts?I thot they see CY's jigsaw will get shocked to death liao la!In e end we got a total of 3 more customers!Cool sia~Last lesson,we checked our testimonials.Was kinda sad la...cos mr neo say mine is considered short liao.Hmm...got e feeling he got nth to say abt me.Throughout e day also nvr see him...guess it's gd to haf some time for me to rest also la(after being so worked up yest).Xiao xi was telling me she thot tt e 2 person i like are v diff.The onli thing she could think of tt is similar is e fact dat both are popular in their own ways.She say i seem to be taking extra effort this time...maybe because he seems to be more possible than L.It's true la...in a sense he's closer to my world...but sometimes i really think tt this relationship will go nowhere..feels so grey.I rmb myself claiming tt i'll gif him up in e past.tt was really a tough time for me.For L,it was easier for me to forget.This is mostly bcos of his presence...bcos of his entrance to my life.As for now,i dun seem to be able to pick up e courage and determination to do it.My passion still burns,which explains y my fever returned.I really treasure his existance and i dun wish to haf him dissappear all of a sudden.I kept in contact wif him and i found tt he kinda opened up more.Of course i'm glad cos at least i'm able to know him more.But this is always followed by another disappointment.Can see frm my blog..my emotion seems to be fluctuating frm day to day.I feel really insecured...sometimes i thot tt he's 1 step closer to me then the next time he'll feel like a stranger.I noe it's dumb to take such things seriously...no matter wad studies are e most impt.Maybe i'm just being childish.I'm not e mature type of girl tt he'll like.I wun change my personality...so e 2 of us are just impossible.Like in maths...we are 2 skew lines tt will nvr intercept.kk...back to today's agenda.After phy clinic,i went shopping at TM wif xiao xi and kex.Had a wonderful time slacking around and of course also had a sumptious meal at e food court!I also had shou huo today!Bought some hair bands...shiny colourful ones...really nice sia!So happy!Go home then i immediately go retie my hair liao:)

i'm hopeless

Was in the later train this morning...dashed down e elevator and ran all e way out.Heng xiao xi and bei weren't angry.Then kex said"hao xi zai hou tou!"Actually i kinda guessed wat she meant le la...but not really sure...not tt i'm slow lo!We then made a joke out of ourselves by running after bus 3 like some mad women.Bei kept saying"bu yong jing,you yuxi,you yuxi!"Made me laugh like siao!Hop on to e bus too fast...dint even see him.Today's timetable was super jia lat!Double lect for all 3 sub...wif phy being e 1st in e list.After e short and insignificant recess break,we had to cont wif 4 lect in a row!We even haf to take a maths test!Making things worse...i found his class sitting rite in front of us...wif him being at e extreme end.U noe i'll feel super uneasy when he's sitting so near.After maths i was totally drained...feel as though i'm sailing in e sea..can't breadth.The chem lect was unbearably long.When e aircon stopped...i felt even more sick.Later,we waited for kex at e atrium.I thot after dragging for so long,he would haf been long gone.Then we slowly strolled out of sch.At e traffic light,kex was saying"yah...he's always e 1st to come out de".I was stilling nodding in agreement when i turned around and saw him!Goodness!My heart almost jumped out!When we were on e train,i refused to sit near his cabin.Still rmb how uncomfortable i was e previous time.Haiz...i'm really hopeless.I dun dare to tok to him face to face...see him le i'll act like and idiot.Today i felt so inferior..dunno y...dunno comparing wif hu also...just completely in a bad state.Where did my confidence go?I wan to go back to my natural and innocent self.Maybe today's just 1 of my bad days...shall take a nap now and forget all my unhappiness(^@^)

Rain

Raining heavily this morning...conducive for sleeping.Woke up at 6.45...half an hr late...jumped out of bed and hurried to wash up.Reached e mrt station just in time for e train.Met a fren frm 1st 3 months class...we were toking on e train when he suddenly said,"nvm wad,u ride bycycle to sch de mah"I was so shocked la!How he know sia?I thot onli xiao xi and bei know lo!Scary!k...then we were almost late for sch....just in time for e national anthem.1st lect was maths...saw him going into e lt...but lost him.Then i found his class sitting a few rows behind us...hah...frm then on i was so cautious of my own actions la!haha!After phy lect,he walked pass our class...and again i dunno where to look liao.We gotta stay in sch for chem clinic so were studying in e atrium.When e bell rang at 1.15....Whahaha!It's time for my radar to start working!Was peering around for v long also no shou huo...but i thot i was doing it quite implicitly?Why tt xiao xi go say until i so despo?Finally saw him strolling out wif his classmates.Shit!I was like erm...dunno where to look...dunno where to put my hands and legs...trying hard to find sth to do...take xiao xi's calculator to play...until he walked pass liao then i heaved a sigh of relief:)After chem clinic, we went home wif kex.She told us a lot...like for example the fact tt he actually brings a sewing kit wif him to mend his bag...how he laugh like siao in gp class...and tt he seldom sees his parents.Hmm...tt's really quite sad...like lack of care and concern.But nvm!I can gif some of mine to him!Haha!Yup...at my block de void deck there saw a little girl running round and round e chair...haha...so cute!Like to see things tt are smaller than me...think tt they are sooooo adorable!k...tt's all!

4/10/05

Yest went bedok for movies wif xiao xi and kex.Before tt we had our lunch at Mac.Then i found out tt there is actually a tj study corner inside Mac itself!Had to eat under such a stressful environment...really can't enjoy my food!After which,we also took out our work to do...GEN TA MEN PING LE!Haha!Yep...time pass by so slowly...feeling more and more sleepy starring at e qsns.If dun haf my mp3 wif me...i dun think i could haf endured tt long.Finally when we could escape frm e tj study corner and head off to e cinema...i really felt like rejoicing!We watched "Corpse Bride" at $5!Great deal ya?Hmm..but personally i prefer "The Myth"...think it was more happening and stuff.Okie!Next movie will be "Wait til You're Older" by Andy Lau after e mock exams.Time to tok abt wat happened today!After chem lect,saw him heading up e stairs.Wierd sia...his frens all going down then where is he going?Niwaez...me and xiao xi were outside e lt when he caught up wif us.Yuan lai he wan to pass me e Pride vcd!Haha!So nice of him lo...thot he not going to do it so soon.Feels so sweet and xing fu!And of course xiao xi is rolling her eyes at me again.Later,we took e moe survey which lasted for like 15 min?Then we found ourselves super free and decided to go atrium.Juay Kai joined us and we were mass mugging together.Felt kinda sad for myself...can't even answer jc1 chem qsns.Phy lect was super boring...maybe cos e tutors sounded sian themselves...esp mr lim lo...haiz he looks moody lately.After sch...xiao xi's supernatural eyes spotted him again!But cos he too far away le...impossible to catch up.Gotta believe in fate sometimes...no pt doing things on purpose.K...shall end here.

Love & Honesty

Everyday everynight darling love's in my heart
(I'm waiting for you, wow)
Let me see let me touch baby tell me your dream
(Forever more)
Ooki na kaze no naka uzukumari nagara
Omotteta nani mo kamo ieru hito ga ita nara to
Chippoke na boku dakara minna souda kara
Tsuyoi toko sore yori yowai toko musubou
Soba ni ite kowagari mo sou hazukashii koto janai
Soshite omou koto wa konna boku mo ikirarerutte koto
Sha la la hitori ja kitto aruite wa ikenai sa
Issho ni aruki tsuzukeru kimi ga boku o umeru yo
Love is true chiisai koe ga boku o tsuyoku suru no sa
Yume o kanaeru hi made
Everlasting towa ni kimi to futari
Everyday everynight darling love's in my heart
(Forever more)
Todokanai tsutawaranai demo te o nobasu kara
Dekinai koto aru kedo nori koete mitai
Nani mo kamo wakari attemo mitasarenai kokoro
Hito wa waga mama dane toki ni subete iya ni naru sore demo
Sha la la boku o iyasu kimi no hitomi ga aru yo
Moshimo miushinattara michibiite yo sono me de
Sora ni hoshi ga aru yo ni umi ni nami yureru yo ni
Fukaku sore kara hiroku mimamotte tsukamu kara kitto
Daremo hitori ja kitto aruite wa ikenai sa
Issho ni aruki tsuzukeru kimi ga boku o umeru yo
Sha la la forever you are my dear
Everytime I feel you within my heart
Moshimo miushinattara michibiite yo sono me de
Sora ni hoshi ga aru yo ni umi ni nami yureru yo ni
Fukaku sore kara hiroku
Everlasting tsutsumi aou kitto
Everyday everynight darling love's in my heart
(I'm waiting for you, wow)
Let me see let me touch baby tell me your dream
(Forever more)