extinguished

Cpf seems to be quite an interesting job…tmr will be my 1st day…afternoon shift…then I wun be able to see my fav tv serial le…heard frm mama tt afternoon got replay…but according to my timetable, some dates still clash la…sian! Then I gotta ask my mama to watch then tell me e story le. Hope tt those hu will be working wif me are nice pple! Liddat then not so sian and during meals also can go eat together. Just now after e training session…I took e train home alone. Thought of wad xiao xi told me…e news was kinda qing tian pi li…didn’t haf e time to really absorb everything earlier…during e train ride I finally got e time to quieten down and think abt it. Issit tt I overlooked his real personality? Or issit I think of it too ideally le? Do all men look at women in tt way? The idea is so grey…and e fact tt e one we’re toking abt now is N make me feel even more disheartened. One other thing is his trip to Taiwan wif his classmates. Still rmb him telling me off when I told him e date I was going back to hk. Now he’s willing to go to Taiwan wif his frens. Speechless…tried so hard to hold back my tears…maybe it’s partly cos of e music frm my ipod ba. Wo zhen sha! Why did I put in so much hope into a person hu dun even feel tt I’m of significance. Haf I even existed in his heart? From wat I see now I think I was just a joker in his past 2 yrs of jc life ba. My fren told me not to haf phobia just bcos of one guy…true…it’s really dumb to gif up a forest cos of one tree…but y do I feel so dead now…as if I haf no more energy to face any relationships in e future. Yes…I haf completely given up…cos I haf neither passion nor energy to continue hafing hope. God…pls help me forget e past and move on.

cut off

Haven’t updated for a long time…have been working at e old folks home for during this period of time…think it was really a gd experience…at least I wun be at home doing nth…but it’s still much more free than last time in jc…probably bcos of this I haf been thinking a lot. Just a few days ago….papa told me to save my documents in a thumbdrive cos he wan to reset e whole com…then I found tt I really got a lot a lot of documents…I deleted all e jc stuff…those downloaded frm ivle and those pw meeting stuff…originally wanted to keep for memorial sake de…but since now gotta reset com I also dun wan to waste too much space. Then I saw those msn conversations I had wif N…think I saved around 20 over of em…dunno wat is going thru my mind at tt pt of time but I just stared at e monitor for very long. I tried saving “My Documents” as a whole into e thumbdrive…but cannot contain…so I went back and see wat else I can delete…haha…really nth to delete le…others is all red cross contact list, uni application stuff…hai…maybe it’s really tian yi la. There was a weird feeling in my heart when I deleted e 1st msn conver…and e feeling grew as I continued to delete e others. In a few seconds time…it’s all over. On V Day, I saw his nick…heart kinda ached but e more I felt tt deleting those msn conver was e right choice. Then it was yest when my hp make those noise…say my inbox full…so I ran thru my msgs…haha…suddenly rmb wat xiao xi said…I really kept a lot of his msgs…quite a lot is v lame la…just one sentence “dun understand la” I also kept. At last I deleted em. Today is e 1st day at cpf…6 days per wk…it’ll certainly take up all my time and I wun be thinking abt those things again. It’ll be a time of work and frenship.