huge farewell party

Just went to send a fren off at e airport.Ok...it's totally diff frm wat i thot it would be.Our whole squad(most of e pple)came down...ok tt's reasonable...i mean we're quite a close squad...often haf outings and so on even after we grad frm sec sch.But i really dint expect e no of pple hu actually appeared lo...our juniors...pple frm hq...and even pple frm uni!The situation was...hmm...how shud i describe it?A huge party?So e main character of e day went arnd to hug her frens and chit chat...basically she's too busy to attend to our squad la...everyone is surrounding her and taking pic and stuff.I dint noe tt she's actually leaving at 11 plus...cos they say meet at 9 so i came...and we're just sitting arnd..waiting for others to come...and writing e farewell card.I shud say i wasted a whole 2 hrs there except e few seconds tt i finally got e chance to go near her and say bye.It's really v kua zhang la...i mean if not for today i really can't imagine anyone hu can attract so many pple to come bid her farewell.And u noe wad...e juniors are even crying la...they're really so so sad leh...not kidding!No one frm our squad actually cried...well...are we old and experienced enuff to not be over emotional in situations like tis?I dunno...but at tt pt i totally couldn't find e rite mood...and i'm hungry...i went without hafing dinner...really thot it'll be a short and sweet session.Not tt i dun miss her...maybe i was too overwhelmed.She's probably on e plane now...wish her a safe journey.

sch is not strractive to me anymore...last time there was a motivation at least.now i often feel lonely...like my frens got their own social circle and activities...yah la i can still be wif em but not like i can depend on em all e time.is uni supposed to b liddat or am i anti?tt guy is there for me most of e time but seeing him all e time makes me feel wierd...nowadays i'm even trying to avoid as much as possible.gd frens all in ntu...wat to do?miss e old days...e jc days.

Suddenly tis idea came across my mind...i think y i'll feel uneasy when he's around is cos i feel tt wo pei bu shang ta.But tis is natural rite...it's like e reason y u like somebody is cos u think tt he's gd?Gd in a sense of character,thinking,and maybe even physical aspects.Isn't it just natural to compare it to urself?Am i gd enuff for him?Maybe there are pple around him hu is more suitabe for him?Qsns like tt will pop up in ur mind automatically.I hate myself when i'm being over sensitive but tis always happens when i'm dealing wif him.I think i'm putting in too much emotions...and i dun wan it to be liddat...in e end i'll onli hurt myself.Nowonder pple say pple frm my horoscope has a sea of emotions to pour out and we forget abt protecting ourselves.

Yest tis guy frm sch is acting v wierd.I noe him through a fren and since we're in e same course,we'll often sit tgt as a grp in lect.Last sem i not close to tis person one...actually tis sem i also not acting particularly frenly to him la.My printer wasn't functioning properly so couldn't print my notes...was thinking find 1 day go sch and print.After he got to noe abt it then he suggest tt he print e 1st chp of all e mods for me.Ok la...i mean he so thoughtful as a i fren so i dint reject.But i already told him i'll print e other notes myself in e future le.tt day i got lab...his lesson end at 4...but my lab dragged till 6 plus...he waited for me to pass me e notes.Felt so bu hao yi si.Then yest at e mrt station...he boraded e same train as me...then i ask him where he going cos he stay jurong shud go e other side...then he say he'll tell me later.Reach central tt time i ask him whether issit he alighting here...then he say no.Finally until eunos...can't stand it liao...so i ask him where exactly he want to go...then he say take until tamp wif me.Come on la...wat's his prob?go tamp then take a ll e way back to jurong?I mean tis kinda action is sweet onli if e person is someone u like...but it'll be a totally diff feeling when it's not.I dun even dare to reply much of his msgs.Feeling so sian...when can i break e spell...y issit always e person i like dun like me?

my new class

Today is my 1st lab session...which also means it's e 1st time i'm seeing my new class.Well...quite sad la...everybody like got their own cliques liao...felt so out.Got tis guy frm my previous class but he hun wif his hostel mates and i was practically there waiting to do e lab on my own liddat.Super diao la...in e end i gotta change table and sit wif tis prc...say wat "i pair wif u can?"...wha lao i so wan to die lo...si bei hou lian pi la!!!The prc everytime like got a lot of stuff to write liddat...then tell me"u cont 1st"...pls lo...e whole expt like i do myself liddat.Then he also dun wan use comp to plot graph...in e end we need to hand draw 7 graphs!!!Almost died there la...think i wun forget those grids even in my dreams lo...HAUNTING ME!!!3 hrs lab we drag until 4 plus 5 hrs then finish...e lab ta also kick us out already...tell us to slip e report through e glass door after we're done.Oh manz...wat a great experience!Got to noe a few pple though...but not shou la...plus they're a clique...think i'll feel damn out...but no choice...guess i'll hafta leech em in e future le.Really miss my previous class...e pple so much more fun...at least frequency closer...wat to do?Guess pple will onli learn to appreciate after losing sth.And i seriously miss him too!!!sobz!!!

hu's rite and hu's wrong

I wonder if other pple will worry abt their parents arguments.I myself feel rather bothered by it.I'll often think whether e same situation will appear when i get married?Today my mama told me tt she dun feel like cooking dinner anymore.I guess it's mostly bcos papa will sometimes complain abt her cooking,e quality of e food she buy and stuff like tt.Really wonder if tis happens to other families as well...or are we tt extraordinary?Mama say she wanna spend more time on didi's hw...dun wan to haf to worry abt cooking everynite.Actually tt's reasonable la...but haf been eating food cooked by her all e while...now all of a sudden say wanna start catering...it just seems odd.She ask me to gif comments...i told her i dun mind...i also dunno wad to say...i noe papa gotta be responsible to a certain extent...but there's nth on earth tt is totally someone's fault...it's always contributed by many factors.Sigh..at tis ptof time...i just wanna leave everything aside and live a simpler life!

Today sth nice happened...at least it shows tt he did look out for me.But i've already decided to gif up long b4 i went to hk...so i really shudn't think of it anymore.I saw tis hand made music box wif e song "over e rainbow" in hk...dunno y i just had e urge to buy it for him.Yea...and in e end i bought 1 for him and 1 for myself.Mine is of a diff design and a diff song too.It is e song in e "crying out love in e centre of e world" show.Listening to e songs frm e music box moves my heart.Hope he'll like it too.Maybe tt'll be sth tt ends tis one sided crush on him.After passing it to him i guess i wun haf anymore jie kou to see him again.Let it be ba...let time wash away my si nian.

Feel so tired...restless...it's like i did my best and i'm sure i put in a lot of effort...but things arn't going e rite way.Wo bu gan xing!Dun pple always say "you zhi zhe shi jing cheng"?Y issit tt after hard work and still nth's getting better?Wat's wrong?

I dint do anything wrong ok?

I did consider a lot b4 i made e decision...it's not like i rashly say yes to it.i got my reasons and i really dun regret doing it.Why muz they make a fuss over it and insist tt i'm in e wrong?They dun understand how much i went thru b4 i come to tis step.They're not e ones experiencing it of course they dunno.I'm not e type of person they think i am.And she dun even think she's in e wrong.Leak my secret out still li zhi qi zhuang say all those crap.Say wat if other pple wanna spread also not her fault cos she cant control wat pple's mouth say.Totally irresponsible.I'll nvr trust her again.

Cheated

What's e feeling when u believed in someone and told tt person a secret tt u wan no one else to noe...but in e end she told someone abt it?Why is it called a secret anyway if u're to spread it around?How does she noe whether tt someone would not leak e info out to others?I feel so cheated!!!She's making me feel tt there's no one i can believe in tis world and i cannot tell anyone my secrets in e future anymore.I keep it a secret bcos i noe tt e consequences when others noe abt it maybe sth tt i cannot handle...so y muz she make things so hard for me now?I'm so worried and frustrated now!I think i wun believe her ever again.

hoping for a better day

Feeling lazy...dun wish to start sch so soon.HK wasn't exactly fun except for e shopping part.I was telling my parents tt going back is like a routine and we're not even doing wat we wan to do.We're always obliged to meet tis person tt person and do wat they've planned for us...making tis whole holiday really hectic.For me,i think e whole point of going to HK was to enjoy e xmas atmosphere and take a break frm e normal living environment.If it's gonna be liddat every yr i rather forget abt e trip.Maybe we'll have a change and go back during june hols when our relatives are not having holidays.Shopping will also be much more fruitful since it's summer.There's onli 1 more wk left to sch reopen...really wanna relax for e last few moments.But dad never fails to piss me off.Shouting at me to start reading up notes.Of course it's cos mom is making my bro do assessment so he see me slack bu shuang la.Whenever mom nags my bro,he'll become super biased...sometimes he can get really guo fen...gets on my nerves.Come on la...he finish exam earlier than me,start playing earlier than me,in HK also totally nvr touch hw,now start sch few days earlier than me also bu shuang ar?Sch reopen i sure 200 times more can than him de lo...dun understand wat's wrong wif him sia.