Horrible memories

So i'm finally back in spore.My msn nick reads,"waiting for e final finally" bcos i was really hafing a hard time during e earlier days in hk.Feeling v pissed off and sick.I keep thinking am i really tt ugly and not sociable?Sometimes i'm being too sensitive but this time u really cant blame me lo.My relatives like to pick on pple's pain and tok abt it in e open one lo.My aunt especially...just cant stop saying tt i must go zhen rong.Then always hafing dinner tt time...then they'll say"must be in ur teens,tt's y grow so much pimples"Argh!Thanks for reminding everyone abt it all e time!Then comes my mom...gotta tell everyone she sees tt i need to put on make up to block my pimples during foto taking for my hk ic.Thought tt my papa is e neutral party...but NO!He just bought this new digital camera...was trying out wif my uncle...and he actually took my picture to try out e zoom function...then he tell my uncle,"see!can even see her pimples clearly!"Wha!wat the hell!Really feel like destroying his camera immediately!Really hate it lo!Dun feel like going out...not even to shop.I was thinking...if i could just haf some time to stay home and let e pimples go...i'll be a happier person and able to face pple wif more confidence.But of course no rite?In hk no one can haf free time or peaceful moments.Everyday is packed wif activities...gotta go out everyday....gotta meet pple everyday.Yah...others may think tt this kinda life is cool and challenging...but after u've been thru it...i guess u'll think otherwise.It is so busy tt u dun seem to be able to breath...gotta put on a smile where ever u go...gotta think of things to tok abt wif pple u are not familiar wif even when u're already damn tired(otherwise u'll be seen as not sociable).I can onli be my true self when i reach grandma's home at nite...and i mean super late at nite.I thought i could haf a gd bath and watch my fav dvds and haf some slp.But i was forced to apply for hk uni...yah la...cant blame em...it's for my own gd mah...but can u imagine how i feel not?The whole day i've been doing things out of my will le...at nite i cant even haf my own space?One nite...my mom came to nag while i was doing e online application...really pissed off...but i didnt shout ok?I said"can u dun come and fan wo?"Then dunno wad's her prob...went out and cry and shout and do all sorts of silly things.I thought nth will happen in hk cos tt's not our home...my mom usually wun fa xie there one...but this time out of my expectation she actually exploded at grandma's place.Created such a big fuss...whole house filled wif screaming and crying...later even my aunt came down to help wif consoling.I stayed in e room all e while...i dowan to console her...in fact i was angry wif her.I mean pls la...everyone haf their problems rite?We're not kids le...shud be matured enuff to noe wad is e correct time to do wad rite?I also got sad things wad...then i also cry and scream and shout in front of pple meh?And to say tt i'm being rude to her is definitely rubbish la!Wad did i say?I was already being extrememly polite eh..considering i got so many documents to read...really v fan nao at tt pt lo.I go back hk most of e time doing things tt i dowan to do(except e part wif Gg la)...even at nite also dun let me off...did i ever protest anot?I fall sick,take medicine le..need to rest also dun let me go home...muz die die go for dinner and socialise...i also went along le...so wad more do u wan frm me?Got 1 time it was raining...i drenched thruout le...my uncle say wanna bring my bro to go out buy toys...tt's non of my business rite?liddat they still wan to drag me along...i go home complain to my grandma onli...she scold me say i childish...say i dunno e importance of "ren ji guan xi".Come on la...i wasnt wrong to not know wad is ren ji guan xi,i was wrong to haf let u do all e decision for me...i shud haf been firmer and surer of things tt i dun wish to do.That nite, everyone was consoling my mom outside...i was crying alone in e room...i forced myself to be as silent as possible...i dun wan anyone to noe...i dint cry for e sake to wanting pple to pity me.i told myself,"i muz be strong,muz pick myself up and move on"...cos i gotta face much more probs and much more pple in e days to come.Now..thinking back...i think i've really survived a huge thunderstorm.My relatives keep saying tt an 18 yr old shud be able to do this do that.But haf they forgotten 1 thing...i dun live in hk...in fact i've migrated to spore for more than 12 yrs...how do u expect me to noe which transport can take to me to where and where can i get this get that..etc etc.Then they would compare me wif my same age cousin...say he come back already can find a part time job...can go where where wif frens.Hey!He haf been living here for all his life...he onli went to over to Australia to study for 1 yr and u're trying to compare me wif him?Of course i dun haf frens in hk...u mean u wan me to keep in contact wif my kindergarten frens all these yrs?Then wad?Come back and call em to meet up?I think i would haf been a complete phsyco if i've done tt.Then when they noe tt i cant do this or that...they start being overprotective to me.My aunt for example...insist that she'll haf to hold my hand...so that i wun go missing on e streets.Then when i go out wif my cousin,they'll tell him"rmb to take care of ur cousin,dun let her go missing"Excuse me?Can u tell me wad's ur prob?I wun die even if i lost him...i can take a cab or anything ok?I really...completely dunno how to get along wif hk pple leh.I dint noe in 12 yrs time...our frquency haf already differed so much.I miss my frens so much...and i miss e life in spore.Hope tt spore uni will accept me then i wun need to study there.