Sins
I dunno wat's wrong wif myself...i'm feeling v complicated now.No matter how tough jc was...it feels so pure and fun being wif frens...even liking someone feels so much more innocent.It's so different now...i feel so not myself.I guess i kinda lost my true soul while adapting to uni life.Suddenly i gotta be independent...gotta be strong and able on my own...makes me feel so lonely.Esp when i see pple around me getting attached...for a moment i felt like having someone to fill up the space too.Yah...it's so silly to think tt way...but i admit i'm not a saint.I need love and care too...esp in an environment as cold as uni.So when tis guy came along...showing me e concern tt i've nvr experienced b4...i was moved.When we grew so close,i got to noe tt he's attached.For a period of time,i chose to distant myself frm him.I gotta limit myself and not show equal amt of friendliness as b4.I think tt it is onli rite if i make e relationship clear...not so much bcos i'm scared he'll go over...but cos i'll go deeper.He kept in contact wif me.Tt few days he was sick...i dint ask him at all.Until one day, i finally asked him casually how is he feeling.He say "u finally ask me liao".I really dunno wad to say.I dunno whether it's his perosonality or wad...but when i dun reply his msg he'll think tt his suan-ing haf gone too far and tt i'm angry.He'll msg and keep asking y i nvr reply.When he noe tt i injured myself he'll get worried.I once asked him if tt really matters to him.He say"yes.it matters".I got free period he'll accompany me...he's also willing to come to sch early to teach me hw.There was once i picked up my courage and ask him wat extent of frenship are we.He say tt it's up to me and tt he feels v comfortable wif me.Love is really blind.I noe i shudn't like someone wif such personality...but yet i just can't set my eyes off him.I rather he didn't gif me hope in e beginning...y say things like he think tt we can get together someday?I feel so sinful...i actually had thots of em breaking up.I hate myself!How can i save myself frm tis?
posted by pisces @ 7:25 AM
1 Comments:
Hey, this sounds really bad.
Nothing feels more terrible than this feeling of hafta blame yourself for all the shit that is happening.
Please don't. Don't blame yoursef so much, cus it is so obvious that it is rather schemed and planned by him. Recognise this fact! don't be so hard on yourself girl. I think it is important to find back a reason to be proud of yourself, otherwise, you will will filthy and shameful of yourself and i think you can never be happy that way. It is so selfish of him to devlp this relationship and attachment with you without letting you noe that he's attached. This shows that he did not care bout what shit he will drag you into. The fact is, he don't care. He don't really give a damn. He says that it's up to you, so meaning that it doesn't really bothers him, how can one say this if he bothers, cares, or even give a damn. Not worth girl. He's definately not worth all this pain and shame. All the care and all, i noe it touches one easily. But you must noe, it may mean peanuts to him. It doesn't matter wat ppl say, it's what they truely does that reflects their thinkings and all. Push all the sweet brainwashes aside, all the sms and small things done, and look at what he had truely done, what situation he is putting you in, so selfishly. Putting you to handle all this shit alone. It's just a super unlucky thing to have met such a incident, but you gotta be strong girl, and fight him down, let him noe that u had decoded it. Girl, I am super sure you will find someone who will truly cherish you and wun put you through the pain, cus you noe it too, you deserve it. the way not to get so blinded perhaps is to pul urself away and look at what he had truly done to you, think would you had done the same and why u wun do it. Then you realise how heck care he actually is, beyond all the sweet talks. Then you will find this reason to hate him and things will all be fine. And you can return back to the innocent cheerful you again!~ Back to your pure little world. That's where you belong, and stay there!~ There may be less prince charmings in that world but there's no point forcing yourself over to another world with more prince charmings cus even if you find one there, you noe you dun belong to that world, and hence you will not be happy. What happened to the pure sunshine you used to emit as you go around giggling and laming like there's no tommorow? find it back girl. Jiayou!~ if need, can sms me k? take care!~
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